if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
