Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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