I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
