Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
