At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found puke in my bra..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
