So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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