i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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