Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
