what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
