dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't think brook has ever known best
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
