**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
