38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
