I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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