i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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