I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
