God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
