So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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