when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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