I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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