I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
