I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hippo gnu deer
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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