were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
