I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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