New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
