Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
