Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
