i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
