Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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