Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This couple is walking their pig around campus
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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