dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
