My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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