Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Randomize
