Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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