from now on my penis is your penis
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
