do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
