I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
