you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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