I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
