He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
