if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
