oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's official drugs can't kill me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
