My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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