thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
