can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
