No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
