i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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