plz talk dirty to me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
