you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
