just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
