remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
