my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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