I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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