I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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