How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
