What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
