a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
