Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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