A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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