Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
