My balls are so social today.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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