My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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