can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
