people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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