ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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