He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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