your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
