Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
