i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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