Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
