Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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