So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
