He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
