So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
